I Am His Mother: An Excerpt

I am honored to say that my book I Am His Mother has received a pretty good push of late as several gift shops are now stocking it while many readers have recently enjoyed the book. That means a lot to me both as a writer and as a man who has loved Mary the Mother of Jesus all his life. 

Still, many people have contacted me to ask questions such as: What inspired you to write it? How long did it take you to write it? How close is it to scripture? What's the book like? Who is the target audience? Is this something my own mother would like? Any chance you can give us a sample? Etc. 

To answer these questions (feel free to send me more if you like): 

• The inspiration behind the book was something that came out of me after I saw the relationship Jesus had with his mother in the movie Jesus starring Jeremy Sisto along with some of the things I saw in the movie Mary, Mother of Jesus.   
• It didn't take long for me to write at all. I think it was done in a few months and I really don't remember writing most of it as it just came out. I don't believe I will ever have such an experience again. 
• It's pretty close to scripture even though I took artistic liberties to further develop the story. I do believe that I retained the spirit that is in the bible in order to respect the traditions that many of us know and love. 
• The book was written to imitate a memoir by a simple person. My focus was to share a mother's heart more than writing a formal book. 
• The target audience are mothers as well as those who have a strong devotion to our Blessed Mother. Meanwhile, these are the people who have enjoyed the book the most. 
• I have yet to hear from a mother who didn't like it. I am honored to say that my own mother loved it and that means the most of me. 
• Finally, yes, I am going to offer you all as sample of the book right now! 

The part of the book where Mary reflects on her life with Jesus is in three sections: The first section is where she encounters the angel Gabriel before giving birth to Jesus. Then there are some parts where she reflects on Jesus' younger years and what is was like to raise Him. The second section was meant to break up the story in Gospels  a bit as it takes place years after Jesus' Ascension into Heaven. Here she reflects on three experiences she had with three people who had very important encounters with Jesus in the Gospels who would later track her down in order to share these experiences with her. Each is a very personal conversation with Mary giving an insight on her Son that only a mother could see. Finally, the last section is everything that she saw during Holy Week including the crucifixion of her Son, His Resurrection and the events right before Jesus returned to His Heavenly Father. There are a few other surprises but I will leave that for those who have the book in their possession.

The excerpt I have decided to share in this blog is from the middle section of the book where Mary is visited by the sinful woman who washed Jesus' feet with her tears and dried them with her hair. Quick theological note: there are many who assume that this woman was Mary Magdalene but that is more tradition than fact. I did not write this woman as Mary Magdalene because if it had been her Mary, the Mother of Jesus would have known her for a long time by this point since she was present at the crucifixion and was a witness to Jesus' Resurrection. 

I hope you all enjoy it! 

 

Sinful Woman (Luke 7:36-50)

I was outside one day tending our sheep, which of course always reminded me of my Son’s description of Himself as the Good Shepherd. In some ways, it allowed me to be close to Him because I would always think of the people that He sought out during His ministry. For Him, all people were worth His time, and He never turned anyone away when they sought Him out.

When Jesus was a little boy, I remember how He always admired shepherds. Aside from their spending so much time out in the fields, I think Jesus also admired their commitment to the sheep that they cared for. He especially admired shepherds that rescued lost sheep and how they would purposely break the legs of the lost sheep, so they could spend time with them on an intimate level just so they could bond with the animal, who in turn would never leave the shepherd's flock again. Jesus once told me that this is why God at times allowed many people to fall knee deep into sin just so their pain would allow them to turn to God knowing that there was no other way. And then, the Lord would show them His mercy, which in turn would lead the sinner to trust in the Lord with all of their heart.

And then she arrived.

She said her name was Rachel, and when she approached me, she surprised me when she greeted me by saying, “blessed are you among women.”

Those words have always meant so much to me. 

I then asked her who she was, and she said that she was the woman that had entered the house of the Pharisee named Simon on the night that Jesus dined with him. She then confessed that she was the woman that washed Jesus' feet with her tears and dried them with her hair. She then took a deep breath, and her eyes began to tear before she smiled.

“Your Son was the first man to ever look me in the eye when He spoke to me,” she said.

She then asked me if she could share her story with me, and of course, I invited her to sit with me. I told her that I loved to hear stories of my Son and that she was more than welcome to stay as long as she needed.

Rachel folded her hands for a moment and took a deep breath before she looked at me with a smile.

“Take your time,” I told her.

Rachel nodded. “It’s just hard for me to talk about it. These are precious memories to me and since He is no longer here with us…"

"Child, He is still here with us."

She nodded. "I am sorry. I am just a little nervous. It just means so much for me to be here with you to share these memories with you…Mo…"

She looked away from me, so I reached for her hands and nodded.

“Mother,” she said with a faint voice.

“You honor me, child."

She turned toward me with a smile.

"My Son made us family, so you are welcome to call me mother. Now, please tell me about your time with my Son.”

She readjusted her posture and then closed her eyes for a moment. I could see that she was now in prayer and that meant a lot to me because I could sense that she wanted the Lord to guide her as she spoke to me. 

“We heard that He came and that many people were healed of their infirmities (Luke 4:40), demons were expelled from those that were possessed (Luke 4:41), lepers were cleansed (Luke 5:12-13) and then even the Scribes and Pharisees witnessed Jesus heal a paralytic (Luke 5:17-24)."

I smiled because I remembered how proud I was when word began to circulate of all that my Son was doing for those that sought Him out. But nothing made me happier than the hope He gave to those that were lost.

Rachel then offered me a frightened look. "Many people flocked to Jesus, but I was afraid. I was afraid because if He saw me, I knew that He would know everything that I had done in my life, and He would certainly chastise me in front of those that also knew of all that I had done.”

“Daughter, why would you fear Him?”

Rachel lowered her head and looked away from me. “Mother, I wasn’t sick. I didn’t have a condition that separated me from other people. I was an adulteress, and I sought out the men that I had relations with. I sinned and I made every effort to continue such behavior. I felt that I was in no condition to ask for His mercy.”

“That was not my Son.”

Rachel nodded. “That was something I would soon learn.”

“How?”

“I continued to follow Him from a distance, and the thing that gave me the confidence to trust in Him was not His miraculous powers but His Words.”

I could feel my smile. “Jesus always spoke with such power. Even as a child.” I couldn't help but remember what it was like when Joseph and I found Him in the Temple speaking to the Temple leaders.

Rachel looked upward for a moment as she took some time to remember carefully. “He shocked the crowds one day when He commanded us to love our enemies (Matthew 6: 27-33). Many did not take to that teaching kindly, but once I heard Him say that," she said as she began to weep, "I knew He would not reject me if I came to Him.”

I clutched onto her hand. 

“Aside from my fear of Jesus, I was afraid of those that would see me come to Him, especially the men that knew me, and their wives, who knew that I had relations with their husbands.”

“It is all too unfortunate that they take out their pain on others."

“Yes, Mother.  Then my fear of ridicule faded though, when your Son told us that the way we judged others would be the way we would be judged by God (Matthew 6:37-38). At that point I realized that if others did indeed scoff at my presence that Jesus would indeed stand for me and protect me.”

I smiled but she had no idea why. When Jesus was a young Boy, we used to talk all the time about the importance of treating everyone the same, and He would bring it up more than I would. When I used to hear Him teach such things, it always took me back to those moments of His childhood.

“That was when I decided I needed to meet with Him personally,” said Rachel as she began to twitch. She looked away for a moment and then glanced back at me before looking downward. “I am sorry, Mother.”

“Why are your frightened my child?"

She began to weep again. "Because…Mother… being here with you, knowing that you are His mother…I can feel His presence again."

I too began to weep, so I held her in my arms as we comforted each other. We then slowly separated ourselves, so we could continue our talk.

Rachel then wiped her face before she took a deep breath.

“Finally, I decided that a certain day would be the day. Whenever I saw Him, I was going to approach Him, even though I wasn’t sure what I would say or do. But I was alright with that because I knew that He would only offer me His love.”

An act I knew all too well. In hearing her story I hoped to hear that Jesus embraced her because I always loved His hugs.

“I finally saw Him on that fateful day but He was on His way to Simon's house for dinner and before I could get a chance to speak to Him I could see that He had already entered Simon's home. That made me really nervous because Simon had scoffed at me on many occasions and even said that I was lucky that I had not already been stoned for my reputation. It pained me that Jesus was dining with him rather than sitting with me because that was a time when I really needed Him more than anyone else.”

“So what did you do?” I asked, even though I had known for years.

“I was so anxious and in great pain.”

“Pain? Child, what do you mean?”

“Mother, I had been hurting for years. I felt like trash. I felt lonely. I felt used. I just wanted to stop hurting and the longer Jesus dined with that man the longer I would hurt. I remembered the reaction from those that He had touched, and I just couldn’t wait anymore. I wanted my pain to go away. So, I barged into the house and ran straight to Him.”

“You barged in uninvited?”

Rachel nodded. “Yes, Mother. And for a brief second I saw Jesus’ astonished glance before I fell to my knees.”

“You fainted?”

Rachel shook her head with tears in her eyes. “No, Mother. I did not faint. It’s just, at that moment Jesus looked at me! He turned to face me! We had never locked eyes before, and the moment I looked into His eyes, I couldn’t face Him. I couldn’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I could see His majesty. I could see His power. And at that moment I could see His love, and it made me tremble. I had never had anyone look at me that way before. Not even my mother when I was a child. It was real!” she cried as she began to weep. “Mother, I was with the King!”

I reached for her and embraced her again. Rachel began to tremble, so I held her tighter. Then she began to sob, and after some time she looked up at me with her face full of tears.

“What is it?” I asked her.

“Mother, I can feel Him again! I can smell Him. When you embrace me it takes me back to that evening.”

Rachel fell into my arms again, and we wept together again. I held onto her as tight as I could and as I looked up into the sky; for a brief moment I saw a cloud formation that seemed to resemble the hands of my Son. I nodded as Rachel’s words only became more true to me:  He was indeed there with us!

“Child, please tell me more,” I said. “You came here for a reason, and I know you have more to say.”

Rachel smiled as she wiped her eyes and face. “Yes Mother. You are right.”

“It’s good for both of us.”

Rachel smiled. “I couldn’t see Simon, but I could hear that same nasty growl that he would give me when he would see me approach him. I didn’t care. I still couldn’t look at Jesus, but when I saw His feet, I reached for them and began to kiss them. Once I touched Him, I began to weep without restraint and gripped onto His feet in desperation. I couldn’t bring myself to speak, but I wanted Him to know that I knew who He was. I wanted Him to know that I believed in Him. I can't tell you why I did it, but I used my tears to wipe His feet, dried them with my hair and then perfumed His feet with some ointment that I had.”

I sat there startled. “Daughter, why would you do such a thing?”

Rachel sat proudly. “Mother, in another lifetime I knew many men. I knew them well. Some of them were there to give me company and some of them I think I loved and tried to seduce into loving me. But I knew they didn’t and would never love me. I knew my actions did nothing to make them see me as a real woman.”

“But at least you have learned who you really are now.”

“That is true, but only because your Son came into this world. He was the type of man any woman would want to marry, but we all knew that He was not here to marry any woman. But I wanted to show Him how much I loved and trusted Him. I wanted my affection to show Him that I knew who He was, my King. But I did so from my knees, and as a fool in front of those that scoffed at me, so I could show Him a submission that I had never given to any man. Am I making sense, Mother?”

I nodded with a smile. “Child, I completely understand.”

“I was afraid you may not.” Rachel looked down for a moment. “I’ve never told that to anyone before. Many have asked why I did what I did, but I just said that He was my Lord and that I wanted to worship Him. That was only partly true. I wanted to give as much of myself as I could in a way that I had never given myself to any man. Because I know He was more than any man.”

“You are right about that, child. What did Jesus say to you after you did that?”

Rachel’s face looked drained. “He didn’t say anything right away. Simon spoke first: If this man were a prophet, He would know who and what sort of woman this is who is touching Him. She is a sinner!” Rachel gathered herself for a moment. “I didn’t stop what I was doing, but I was so angry that he would even think of doubting that your Son was not a prophet. I knew that the Lord knew who I was, and He also knew why I was on my  knees worshiping Him. I didn’t need this hypocrite to tell anyone who I was. He knew who I was because many of his Pharisaic associates knew me as well as other men.”

I sat stunned at Rachel’s revelation of many of our past leaders. But I was later relieved when I saw her smile again.

“Our Lord then spoke,” she said with a bright smile. “I didn’t quite hear the parable that He shared with Simon and the other guests, but it was something about two people owing a creditor with one of them owing the creditor a greater amount.”

I now smiled, as I told a story similar to that one to my Son while I was putting Him to bed in His younger days.

“But I will never forget what He told Simon after His parable. Do you see this woman? When I entered your house, you did not give Me water for My feet, but she has bathed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give Me a kiss, but she has not ceased kissing My feet since the time I entered. You did not anoint My head with oil, but she anointed My feet with ointment.”

I smiled. “You were right, Rachel, my Son stood for you and protected you from their hatred.”

Rachel then looked overwhelmed as she slowly shook her head. “Mother, then He reached for my head and slowly brought it away from His feet.” Rachel then covered her mouth as she began to tremble. “I was so afraid, as I knew that I was about to look into His eyes again,” she said as she began to weep again. “He held onto my shoulders as I looked away, and then He said in a strong voice: Daughter! Do not be afraid. Look at me!

“I was so stunned that I could not move.

“I looked at him and began to weep,” she said as she sobbed slightly. “He then looked me in the eyes and I couldn’t move.”

She reached for me, so I held onto her hands.

“Mother, He looked right at me. He looked into my soul. I knew that He knew my every thought and all of the words that I couldn’t bring myself to say. And that was when he said: Your sins are forgiven. Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

Rachel seemed to come right out of a trance. She no longer wept and calmly wiped her eyes. She leaned over and kissed my cheek. She then had a look of peace that I had not seen since she arrived.

"Child, are you alright?"

Rachel nodded. “Thank you, Mother. It was very hard for me to share all of this with you because somehow, as I sat here with you, it was like being with Him again. And in some ways, I knew that it would happen this way. You are truly blessed among women. To be the mother of our Lord.”

“Thank you, child."

Get your copy of I Am His Mother now at: https://www.amazon.com/Am-His-Mother-Carlos-Solorzano/dp/168160003X 

Twitter: @csolorzano18 

Facebook Author Page: https://www.facebook.com/carlossolorzanobooks/ 

With Crimson Cloak Publishing:  http://crimsoncloakpublishing.com/carlos-solorzano.html

Standing On Top Of The World

I can already tell that it's going to be a really busy summer and that's usually how I like it. While the regular tasks of a school year keep me away from many of my interests the summer allows me some time to indulge undisturbed in my other loves, which are music, writing, cycling, studying and most importantly, time with my family. But there are times when the weight of the word can wear you down so I was lucky enough to have a chance to lift myself up a bit.

Last week I celebrated my 44th birthday and in all honesty I am still processing what it means to be where I am in my life right now. My marriage will reach its second decade sooner than later, my oldest child will start high school sooner than he would like to and my baby girl will reach double digits age wise in less than a year. I am also looking at what I have accomplished in my teaching, music and writing careers and while I am pleased at where I am thus far I must admit that I feel a sense of uncertainty in terms of where I will be in the next few years. In the deepest part of my heart I can feel that I am in a place where my life is going to go through some big changes just like it did when I was in my mid-thirties. In a lot of ways that excites me but at the same time I do feel a bit worn down by many of the things I endured these past several months.

So I needed a spark and I am lucky enough to have the chance to get away for a while. Right now I am at a conference outside of Philadelphia, PA with the Theology of the Body Institute and it's amazing how each trip out here seems to address exactly what I am dealing with at that particular moment in my life. But before I got on the shuttle to take me to my conference I knew I had to make a side trip. Even though this is my sixth trip to the Institute I had never gone into the city as I just waited to do what I had to do during my week of study. This week had to be different as I could feel in my heart that I needed a boost to my confidence along with a little boost of enthusiasm.

Yesterday morning I took the train into town before I caught a cab that took me to the Philadelphia Museum of Art, which I soon saw was a place where many people go to for inspiration.  Aside from tourists there were the locals who included this place in their morning runs with everyone feeling a sense of empowerment once they arrived to this famous site.

I have been a fan of the Rocky movies since 1976 when a then four year old me saw the first film with his family. I have seen each one in the theater since including the latest offshoot film Creed and love each one of them. Each film speaks to me in one way or another and I don't feel the need to justify that to anyone. If you get it, fine. If you don't, fine. 

It was awesome to stand in front of this statue but I must say that I had just as much fulfillment in watching other people do the same thing because their reactions very inspiring. Most people stood with their hands up in the air or with their fists out as if they were ready to fight. Each stance of course was a positive thing to view because they either stood in glory or stood ready to take on whatever challenge stood in front of them. It was really uplifting for me because I didn't expect to feel that way when I saw other enjoy this famous Philadelphia landmark.

Honestly, I thought the statue would be the thing that I would enjoy the most but it was actually the famous steps that Rocky ran up on multiple occasions that really got to me. There I was, standing where so many people dream to be and right away I found myself running. I made it all the way up and it felt great. To my surprise I felt something as amazing as I did the first time I accomplished many of the things that I have accomplished throughout my life. I can't explain why I felt this way but I did. At first I thought that it was because I am a big fan of the Rocky films but it was much more than that. I thought a lot about all that I had been dealing with the past several months and it was as if I exorcised all of those frustrations out of my system. So I found myself at the bottom of the staircase two more times for two more sprints. Again, the amazing feeling returned and all I could do was smile.

I stood at the top and thought about some of my favorite scenes in film history: Rocky standing there knowing that he was about to take on the great Heavyweight Champion Apollo Creed, Rocky standing there with his son after healing his relationship with his son, Rocky training for his last boxing match and of course, him walking up the steps with Adonis Creed as he prepared to take on the fight for his life. It was almost as if I were there with this fictitious character telling him that just like him I will fight for all that I believe in.

When I looked out towards the city I felt like I could see the world. I sent pictures to my wife, my mom and my closest friends just to show them that I was in fact on top of the world. I remember my mom and best friend asked how I felt and I said that I couldn't put it into words but that it was amazing because I felt like I could do anything.

And I will.

I have some new drumming ideas to work on and am determined to perform some of them when I return to the Tucson Morning Blend morning show next month.  

I have new some songs that need to be finished in terms of the recording process along with some new ideas that I need to write and record.

I have to proof and make changes to my book An Early Apocalypse while also working on new ideas. Yes, the editing and publishing process take a long time but the artist in me wants to get these things done.

I have classes to prepare for next year including  new class that I have never taught before that I am looking forward to teaching for the first time.

Meanwhile, I am already learning a lot of stuff at my conference right now and can already see how I can apply a lot of this material to my classes along with the parish talks I do from time to time.

Someone could say that all of this could be a bit overwhelming and they're probably right. When that happens I will just go back to that moment when I stood on top of the world and refuse the possibility of defeat.


Carlos Arthur Solorzano
@csolorzano18

Math Anxiety or the Wrong Math?

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/answer-sheet/wp/2016/04/25/stop-telling-kids-youre-bad-at-math-you-are-spreading-math-anxiety-like-a-virus/

In response to this article in the Washington Post...

Who in the world enjoys saying they are bad at anything? When did telling the truth become a crime? I am not ashamed to say that I am bad at some types of math and not math in general. Specifically, I struggle most with be the math I NEVER use as an adult! Of course that was also the math I had to take in high school and college. None of that had to do with bad teachers or bad textbooks because the appropriate phrase for such a thing would be bad curriculum!

To this day I still look back and wish I had math classes that would have been more useful to me instead of having to struggle each day while sitting next to kids who had an aptitude for the types of math that killed my GPA. Some of these classmates of mine went on to work in fields that made use of the algebra and geometry material that I struggled though. Good for them. I know that these forms of math along with even more complex forms serve a purpose in the world but what did that mean to me when I knew from a very early age that those careers would never hold any interest for me? And, that didn't come from a fear math as a child. It came from an awareness of knowing what I wanted to and a willingness to do whatever I had to do in order to prepare for my future. 

I could care less about the social view of a subject. So the French revere math. So what? That's as pretentious as people who know fifty different words that have the same meaning just so they could look more sophisticated.  In the real world it's about learning things that are useful and now as a parent with children dealing with this common core nonsense I continue to wonder yet again why we are wasting our time with something so useless. The answer I hear as to why this new method is effective is because, it makes them think! Really? Are you blind to the stupid choices young people continue to make? There are still young girls getting pregnant and teenage boy getting arrested for committing violent crimes. Will watching them do common core problems in the delivery room or in their jail cell ease a parent's anxiety? Or, if common core math helps students think how will it influence them later in life when they are sitting in a high school or college class with an instructor who is more interested in proselytizing them than teaching them to think for themselves in that particular discipline? In case no one is looking, the instructors are winning in most cases. 

Perhaps it would have served me and others  best to sit in classes that taught us how to balance a check book, how to buy a house or a car or how to invest in the stock market. These are examples of math continuing as a part of my daily life because I have actually done these things as an adult. Yet, how much of that is emphasized in high school and college studies to the point where learning such things could apply towards our math credits in order to graduate? In many cases they are elective courses so that means you can take them if you want to. Here's an idea: let the future engineers take algebra, geometry, trig and calculus if they choose to the same way kids choose to take AP classes in other subjects. Meanwhile, require all of the students to take personal finance because everyone needs to learn to manage their money, right? Then they can take other math classes that relate better to what they want to do with their futures. I have even spoken to math teachers who agree with me on this issue because they too have expressed the frustration they feel for their students who struggle through an advanced math class who they can see will not work as engineers in the future. 

I do not see math as my enemy because I am in fact good at the math I do make use of on a daily basis. There are others who are certainly in the same situation as I am but those who design our curriculum are only interested in differentiated learning if it applies to the math they want us to learn while not allowing us to focus on the math that will benefit each student in life. I make part of my living as a professional drummer and I can also read music so I write out charts when I have original ideas at a moment when I am not near an instrument or when I have to write out a chart for a live performance or a recording session. Imagine what my GPA would have been like in high school if I was able to study this kind of math while also taking a personal finance class? That sounds like a great idea because I could make money doing something that I love while also learning how to manage that money. Does that sound like a real world scenario to anyone besides me?

Thankfully, my parents enrolled me in private drum lessons during my 3rd grade year so I learned to read music rhythms at an early age. Of course there is math all over that but none of what I learned in private drum lessons earned me a grade in school. Then my eyes were further opened during my college years because I started off my college studies as a music major. Learning music theory of course made use of even more math but it was then that I got to see how the world of drummers went even further than most instrumentalists. During my private studies with my college percussion teacher I began to study polyrhythms and that was a whole other world of rhythm and math that I never knew of and it excited me! Then we started to play these complicated rhythmic patterns and that took me to a different level of math application because I had to learn to count and feel figures that were not common in Western music. It was even more fun when I got to share all that I was learning with my fellow music students who were not drummers because they were as clueless as I was in my high school algebra class. Right away I wondered what their college GPA's would look like if we had to actually study that stuff in music theory classes? In fact, I even wondered if my music theory teachers knew how to read and play polyrhythms and, what if these people had to demonstrate their ability to play these types of rhythms in order to graduate from music school the same way drummers have to show some sort of competency on the piano? Very interesting to say the least because after all, we want a well balanced education, right?

Of course with educational systems gutting art programs on a regular basis we know that we will never see such forms of math taught to children. Can children learn something as complicated as polyrhythms? Absolutely because not only are children capable of learning anything but we as adults won't tell them how hard they are to understand and play because we don't want to give them polyrhyhm anxiety, right? Yet, do mathematicians see the value this could have for a child that is interested in music? Or, do they see the benefits of allowing students with other interests or skills to focus on the math that best suits them?

The problem here isn't our hatred for math. The problem is our generalized educational system that doesn't address the individual needs of the real human beings that are sitting in our class rooms. Calling for a change in our attitude of math will never be enough for those who are not good at high level math. If that were the case then anyone who struggles in the game of basketball just needs an enthusiastic coach with a positive attitude and they will one day play like Michael Jordan, right? Wrong! Michael Jordan did have enthusiasm and a great work ethic but even his coaches stated that he was also blessed with the right kind of body and set of skills to do all that he did. They simply did what good coaches do with all of their players: recognize their gifts and help them develop them while placing them in situations where they could help benefit the team the most. Wouldn't it be nice if we did that for our children?

The same thing applies to every other person out there with their own special set of skills. It's time for us to recognize that once and for all and to do what is best for our children while we prepare them for their futures instead of trying to decide for them what they should know how to do in order to satisfy the egos of those who think they know what is best for all.


Carlos Arthur Solorzano
@csolorzano18 

Public Bathrooms: Let's Stop the Pissing Contest

I can't believe that we as Americans are arguing over where we use the restroom in public when there are still starving people without homes next to stadiums where athletes make hundreds of millions of dollars a year. However, the issue of gender inclusive bathrooms actually gives us a great opportunity to exercise the art of compromise if we actually take the time to think of what is best for everyone rather than just focusing on what we demand from others.

I don't buy the accusation that all who oppose gender inclusive bathrooms are bigots because there are parents with daughters who live in the real world who fear for situations such as this: https://www.theblaze.com/news/2017/10/20/transgender-woman-convicted-of-sexually-assaulting-10-year-old-girl-in-bathroom Aside from that, I remember when I attended Cal State Long Beach in the 1990's when there were multiple occasions where female students were warned that sexual predators were attacking women in the women's restroom during evening class hours. The school posted warning fliers all over campus and made sure they were posted specifically on the doors of each women's restroom with a strong recommendation that female students not enter any restroom alone after dark.  

And this was at a time when no transgender man was allowed in the women's restroom! 

Sorry folks, but that stayed with me even after I left college because I was scared for my female classmates, which also included my college sweetheart who later became my wife. And one would have to be foolish to think that my college campus was the only place where such a thing occurred. Now, having a daughter myself I don't just look back at a horrible memory but also at the fear of what could happen in the future. For these reasons alone I don't think it's worth the risk to allow biological men in the women's restroom because even one sexual assault is one too many.

Meanwhile, I remembered seeing transgender people on campus and of course at that time never wondered which restroom they would use because no one ever gave it a second thought. Thankfully, today's world has broadened my vision.

After having children I really appreciated the family restrooms you see at most malls because I preferred to change my kids in private and appreciated the toddler sized toilets that my kids could use as they went through toilet training. These restrooms also allowed me to be there with them with enough room to spare in order to make them feel comfortable since they were already in an unfamiliar room but now without strangers whose presence could make them feel uncomfortable.

Years later I started to hear people discuss the idea of a gender inclusive restroom. At first I thought such an idea was ridiculous but it didn't long for me to change my mind once I remembered my experience using the family restrooms. That is because those who installed these restrooms addressed the needs of those with small children, which of course does not include everyone that shops at the mall. Still, it told parents who wanted a little more privacy for their children that their concerns were valid and that these malls would do what they could to address that need.

Please remember that thought.

Then I really started to think about the issue from the perspective of the transgender community and realized that the traditional public bathroom could in fact be most awkward for them. If a biological man wears a dress I could see why he wouldn't be comfortable entering the men's room. However, even though this person identifies as a woman they still might feel uncomfortable using the women's room because they may not want to frighten a woman who might get the wrong idea about his reason for being there (imagine the 10 year old victim from the shared story as well as her female relatives). Like it or not, the transgender person is a member of our society and most likely a tax payer (had to put that in here since people in our society focus so much on money) so I don't see why their needs or most importantly, why their concerns should to be ignored.

Some might call the addition of gender inclusive bathrooms as a waste of tax money because of the belief that the percentage of such people is rather small but that is not a good enough reason not to provide such facilities. Family bathrooms are not always used by those with children and could possibly not be used for hours at a time but at least the option is available to parents who prefer to address the needs of their children in private. Why couldn't that option exist for those who aren't comfortable using the men's or women's room? 

Further, why do we assume that gender inclusive restrooms will only be used by transgender people? There have in fact been various men and women who have stated openly that they could care less what type of person is in a public restroom with them so they too would probably use the gender inclusive restroom. And let's not forget women who are tired of those long lines in the women's restroom. If they want to use the gender inclusive restroom then more power to them. For those reasons alone I say a facility is getting their money's worth to invest in such restrooms.

The main problem here are those from both sides of the aisle who want to make this a black and white issue. I think it's safe to say that such people are in fact partners in crime because they want our society to take the my way of the highway approach. First, we have those who do not want to consider the possibility of creating an gender inclusive bathroom. Then we have those who want to blur the gender gap all together.  Like other political extremists they are only thinking of their point of view and are pompous enough to expect the rest of us to conform to everything that they want.

This is the United States of America and like many other people I have my own moral persuasion and believe my point of view to be correct, at least most of the time. But I also realize that we will never agree on everything so we have find a way to live in harmony. We have churches and public places known as the gay community. We have libraries and adult entertainment shops. We have amusement parks and casinos. Some people disagree with and/or disapprove of those who frequent some of these places but yet these people are still allowed to go where they wish. No one is forced to go to any of these places against their will so why can't we be just as diverse with the types of public restrooms we provide for our citizens?

I do not agree with the idea of allowing a man to use the women's restroom or vice versa. However, I totally support the idea of providing gender inclusive bathrooms for those who choose to use them so long as we maintain the option of the men's, women's and family restroom. As far as I'm concerned that should make everyone happy because no one's needs are being ignored in the discussion.

If this is still not good enough then I guess the only option we have is to remodel all of our public bathrooms and create individual stalls for all while hopefully still providing family bathrooms for those with children. That way we can all have something in common, which is total privacy while we go about our business. If it were up to me I would go that route because we are all used to having such privacy at home, which is why some of us have a hard time relaxing in public.

We have already seen the results of forcing our agenda on others. States like North Carolina have lost big business from entities who disapprove of their strict public restroom law. Then there is Target who took a big financial hit thanks to their CEO telling mothers that their concerns were not important enough to him to cater to the needs of his customers since he wanted gender inclusive bathrooms. (Now Walgreens has given into such lobbyists so we'll wait to see how that will impact their bottom line). Meanwhile, there have been other cases of women being attacked other than the 10 year old girl in the story shared in this blog. To ignore such realities in order to push one's agenda is both selfish and irresponsible.

So we can finish this debate by adding an extra restroom or should we continue fighting over this nonsense because of those who are unwilling to compromise? Meanwhile, our roads need fixing, our schools need improvement, our Veterans need to be cared for and too many people are still sleeping outside with nothing in their bellies. 

There are more important things in life than this.

Carlos Arthur Solorzano
@csolorzano18