College Life and the Real World

WARNING: There are links that have some very harsh language. Further, there are times where my sarcasm certainly got caught up in the moment. 

This morning I was having my coffee when I came across an article that really irritated me: http://www.statepress.com/article/2018/02/spopinion-do-not-let-asu-become-berkeley-in-wake-of-milo-yiannopoulos-event-in-phoenix 

My reaction was not because I am a big supporter of Milo Yiannopolous even though I have heard many of his talks online. Aside from all of the satire and humor involved he is actually quite intelligent and difficult to refute if you choose to engage him in a debate because he always comes prepared. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64Y8VjbnKgg

He is also obnoxious and prides himself on being an internet troll and a provocateur so if you're going to hear him speak or ask him a question at one of his speaking engagements please know what you're getting yourself into. Further, if you're going to come at him with the same old tired rhetoric or call him names, well, you've been warned:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTxSAjXpnqo&t=296s

Some would go as far as saying that he is mean and judgmental. Fair enough. I won't argue against that, especially after some of the links that I shared in this blog but how is he any different than say Bill Maher, other than the fact that he is a conservative (I normally don't write or post things this harsh but I figure most people are familiar with Maher)? I've seen Maher use the same type of language as Yiannopolous but people aren't starting riots over the fact that he is still on television.

Still, there are so many more things to get upset about during one's college years and one would hope that people would look at issues more important than someone exercising their First Amendment right to free speech. After all, we also have the right not to listen to people we don't agree with so either don't go to the talk or change the channel. It's that simple. In fact, I would invite everyone to let Bill Maher tell us what can happen when we spend too much time focusing on our feelings, especially when there are more important things to deal with: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JaC1-U8LIY0 

The Real Problem 

I have worked with teens for the past 22 years and it has been an amazing experience. Being a theology teacher means that I get to have discussions with students on topics that are rooted on the meaning of life and I can tell you such discussions can get really heavy really fast. However, being in education this long has also given me a first hand look of how the system panders young people and cares more about how they are feeling at that moment rather than teaching them how to deal with the real world. 

Students are passed on to the next grade when at times they are not prepared academically and/or emotionally for the next step. When people ask me why it's because of the same nonsense that I have heard for years: studies show that not passing them hurts them. Really? So how are these students going to feel when they can't do the work at the next grade level since we already know that they can't perform at their current grade level? Aside from turning them off to school what other issues could that cause in their future? 

In many cases students are also not held accountable in terms of their behavior. Too many times they are coddled when they need to be punished for behavior that needs to be documented as unacceptable both for the offending student and for the other students who are aware of the situation. Yes, educators need to see the underlying problem of what causes a certain type of behavior but not at the expense of not having a standard of behavior and/or protecting the other students' right to get an education and/or to feel safe at school.

In both cases the children are not being held accountable for their actions and worse than that, some are failing to see how this is going to affect their futures when this is becomes an ongoing way of handling student performance and behavior? Pandering to young people doesn't make them learn a thing as they will always look for a way out rather than take responsibility for their actions.

And I see it every day.

The fact that Arizona State University can't post the location of Yiannopolous' speech until the day before for fear of rioting is absolutely preposterous. But then again, the adults running this university are probably of the same mind set as those running the schools that pandered to these same students as they were coddled through the system. Therefore, it's time for tax payers who fund these institutions to tell these adults to start acting like mentors and not friends.

For example, when a students says: I don't feel safe with Milo here, respond with: Stay in your dorms or find something else to do. Or, you can say, I don't see the students who brought him here rioting over him being here. Aside from that, don't miss out on your teachable moment by reminding students that this is university so it's a supposed to be a place where ideas are exchanged while learning how to back up your arguments. But, what if it's hate speech? Well folks, you can't know where you stand with someone if they aren't allowed to say what's on their mind. Aside from that, we can't fix the problem if we don't know the problem so we can't fear extreme views if we truly want to help all students find their way in the real world.


The Real World is Messy 

Like it or not, the real world is messy and universities need to tell their students the truth about the life that awaits them. And since many of them won't perhaps I can offer a few thoughts on the subject: 

1) People are not always going to agree with you. If you don't agree with a guest speaker then don't go to their talk. You are a college student now so perhaps you should take this time to study or do what I did when I was in college and wasn't in class or studying, which was WORK! I paid for a lot of my education and my job taught me how to be responsible and to appreciate my degree more than I would have if my parents paid for everything, including the damage I never caused since I was never part of a riot.

Further, do you plan on getting married? Talk about a way of life where you are around someone who might actually disagree with you. Instead of sitting there and crying about them not being the person you thought they were be an adult about it and find a way to make it work. Do you think guest speakers on college campuses are more important than having to sort through differences on how to raise children? If you can't handle a stranger that you might see from afar that has a different opinion on a social issue how are you going to handle a spouse who is right in front of you that will stand their ground during a strong disagreement? 

2) On graduation day say goodbye to your friends and your safe space. Aside from the fact that it's time to get a real job you are also going to have to learn to deal with a real boss in a real world situation. Everyone has bad days at work and there are times when your boss is going to sit you down and lay out the law of the land. And once your boss is done with you they are not going to give you a coloring book and a safe space to hide because your meeting with them has already taken you away from the task that you are getting paid for. Perhaps you are used to running your mouth at college protests but please know that your boss has no time for such nonsense. At that point you have two options: you can resign or shut your mouth and get back to work. Guess which option real adults with real responsibilities pick.

Then there are those moments when you leave the mess at work and go home to your house that you're paying a mortgage on that is certain to have problems when it's least convenient for you (don't forget about your car that is certain to do the same). Of course that home also includes your children that are just as complicated as you if not worse because we don't know who you decided to have children with. All relationships are a challenge but they are always worth it. 

Again, working with young people I get to hear about how much struggle they have in their lives when their parents freak out over the littlest things. Young people need stability and discipline and if you don't provide it for them then you're most likely the person that I have to see at the next disciplinary conference since your child doesn't seem to understand the idea that they are not the only student in my class that matters. Raising children is not easy but there are things that adults must do as parents and it's not fair to any child to have parents in their lives that don't teach them the right way to survive in the real world.

3) You have ambitions in life. Perhaps you want to own your own business or you are creative and want to see if you can come up with something that might change the world. That's great but the road will be full of bumps and bruises. If you do find success we all know that maintaining that success is in most cases harder than getting there. Does that sound uncomfortable? Well, it is and there is no other way to achieve your goals. Or, if you don't quite get what you hoped for there is still satisfaction in knowing that you did your best. Either way, everyone around you and in many cases you don't have time to deal with your feelings if you're in fact working towards your goal. In fact, while you're sitting their sulking over something that was done or said at your expense you are giving your competition one less person to deal with. Is this right, to more or less ignore the hurt that someone is feeling at that moment? Not necessarily, but the real world is not going to wait for you to feel better in order to continue the race.

Finally, you can't work towards your dreams if someone does the work for you. You will never achieve  your dreams if your balled up in a safe space waiting for the storm to pass. Sometimes you must the storm and break through the barriers that are in front of you. That doesn't require courage, it requires commitment! Let Rocky Balboa tell you all about it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mk82j1jQw_8


Closing Reflection 

For me, it's always best to close with a song. Here is The Real World by Queensryche. I can't find a video with lyrics so I posted them below the link to the video.We can't find the real world alone so it's time for adults to cowboy up and show these young people all that they need to know.

Finally, for the young people. Life is not always comfortable but we can't grow if we don't fail or hurt from time to time. We can't stand up strong if we don't learn to get up after we fall. Now go out and find the real world because you are more capable than you realize.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVI9IRSPnFY

The Real World by Queensryche 

Strange, the view from here
Words we spoke, forgotten at the time
Now replay in my mind
What went wrong, what was right
Looking back, I never was there for you
You didn't say, but I know it's true

I can't find the real world alone

Every time I think I've won
I hear your voice inside, questioning
Where have you gone
Can't you remember feeling so alone
You always had the answer that I could not see

I can't find the real world
I can't find the real world
I can't find the real world alone
I can't find the real world
I can't find the real world
I can't find the real world alone

Carlos Arthur Solorzano
@csolorzano18

A Short Reflection on Violence in Our Culture

Many years ago I was eating lunch with my wife at a pizzeria across the street from my job when a breaking news story broke on the television. It spoke of a shooting at Columbine High School in Colorado and we were both horrified. The strange thing was that at that particular time I was a third year teacher at a Catholic High School in California and had to go back to work after hearing about this terrible tragedy.

Of course you all know the topic that was discussed in my theology class once we began.

My lesson plan was set aside as my students aired out their fears and other feelings and I listened carefully while offering whatever thoughts I had along with words of comfort when needed. There was one girl though, who said something that I'll never forget (paraphrasing): I am so sorry that this happened but the thing that kind of bothers me about this is that this sort of thing happens all the time in the inner city but only seems to make the news when it's in a nicer part of town.

In hearing this some may say that no, school shootings don't happen every single day and thank God for that. But I would respond by saying that perhaps my student wasn't clear with what she was trying to say. Violence happens every day in our culture and I would like to add to her statement by stating that if you look closely we in fact celebrate most forms of violence.

And here are a just a few examples:

1) Does anyone frequent the Yahoo! page? Does anyone notice that most of their journalists simply read Twitter all day and write stories about those who unload on someone? Of course that doesn't include those who just go to the source themselves so they can re-tweet the same obnoxious statements made by cowards hiding behind a mobile device. Still, it is a form of violence and most obvious when people go as far a making a threat towards those that are the subject of their tweets.

2) If any of you watched the Super Bowl we know that there was yet another helmet to helmet hit during the game. And, if it's not ESPN sharing the footage from such a hit during their Sportscenter highlights it will be posted on social media by fans who celebrate the fact that another player was laid out during the game. Of course if you miss any of these highlights or posts you can simply go to You Tube and see one of many compilations put together by fans celebrating such behavior.

3) Just about everything on television or in the movies has someone being humiliated for the sake of entertaining others. The one I find most interesting is when a satirist (with the assistance of some obnoxious writers) unloads on someone from a television studio in front of a camera hundreds of miles away from the person they are insulting. There is usually a studio audience who laughs at what is said with a television audience that is probably doing the same.

4) For those who watch cable news...does anyone have a discussion anymore? Is there a fair or even honest debate about the issues or do people simply express their hatred for the those who dare to have a different opinion? And this is a daily thing to the point where these people sound more like teenagers who can't get over their ex rather than a professional journalist offering a well detailed editorial.

5) Thanks to social media and mobile devices bullying and just nasty gossip is now totally out of control. As a person who works with teenagers I see this all too often but it's not just teens doing this kind of stuff. There are adults out there who air out all of their nonsense on their social media pages or in some kind of group chat in order to speak ill of others.

Notice that most of what I shared was NOT a form of physical violence. Still, does anyone think that this kind of thing doesn't have an impact on the way we behave? Most of this nonsense angers so many people so much that I would guess that they they probably go to bed angry and then wake up and go right to their messages and updates to see what will offend them at the beginning of their day. Then the rest of us have the privilege of having to be around these people most of the day at work or at school.


The First Problem

Many people my age and older comment almost daily that things are worse than ever. If that is true then we have to ask ourselves why this is so. Of course everyone has their opinions about this and sadly, most of these opinions are formed by the talking heads on television rather than individuals taking the time to study the world around them.

The problem I see is that people usually end their reflections on many issues with a shrug and the famous, what can we actually do about it? In other words, I surrender! 

Perhaps I can offer another solution or two. First off, turn off your television! Stop letting these strategists who in fact have an agenda influence your thinking. They thrive only if we cooperate with them. We all need to step out of the nonsense because we are all smart enough to see the world with our own eyes and not through the corrupted lens of the media or other activist groups. 

Second, don't contribute to the gossip and bullying around you. Yes, I know it's exciting at times to hear something juicy about those we dislike but if we participate we are just as guilty as those who are stirring the pot.

I don't know about most people but when I don't like someone I don't spend time around them. If there is a celebrity or public figure I don't like then it's the same thing. I have better things to do with my time and have never cared much for what famous people think about anything because I believe that I am intelligent enough to form my opinions thank you very much.

Now I would like for all of us to take a moment to think about something a little more personal: how much time do we waste getting involved with this kind of stuff? Imagine how much better our lives would be if we removed this filth from our daily routine and say, paid more attention to our loves ones, devoted that time to other causes such as taking care of the homeless as well as our Veterans or perhaps, used more of that time to work on all of those dreams and goals we talk about fulfilling in between these gossip sessions? Think of the contribution we would all make as individuals to making this world a better place.


Second Problem 

We are so concerned about not offending others that we no longer have a social standard of morality. Along with that we also have a hands off way of handling things as we take a live and let live approach to life, which I will argue is not exactly how we feel. If we really believed in this idea then everyone who makes a living criticizing others would be out of a job. Those who gossip about others would have nothing to talk about. Mind you, most of what we see really has no impact on our lives? Yet, we all have opinions about the thoughts and actions of others rather than just shrugging it off and saying, well, if that's what makes them happy. 

What are the consequences of being so hands off? One look at these articles and we will see that at times it will cost people their lives. https://www.yahoo.com/news/plenty-warnings-florida-school-shooting-suspects-past-missed-signs-154926468.html and https://www.yahoo.com/news/florida-shooter-apos-former-friend-141541134.html Are we so afraid of speaking out that we won't share our concerns regarding those who really need our help (in this case it was the shooter who obviously had some serious problems along with protecting the students at this school)? Or, are we so busy with our lives and with the fear of offending someone that we just leave things alone and hope for the best? The events in Parkland, FL were sure a hard price to pay in order to step back and wait for things to unfold themselves. I guess it's easier to blame the NRA than those who failed to take the time to act.

Speaking of the NRA, there are gun advocates who claim out of fear that a ban on certain types of weapons will lead to a total disarming of American citizens. Yes, there are those out there who want to remove all guns from our society but there are also those who claim that they are simply concerned about the availability of certain types of weapons to the public. I don't know why expressing such a concern and perhaps wanting to have a conversation about this concern is so alarming to some but that is just one example of how a strong and stubborn reaction leads to further gridlock. I guess for some it's more important to have the right to have weapons used for war in their possession than to consider those who could be in the line of fire if such a weapon fell into the hands of the wrong and/or if they were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.


Third Problem 

No, it's not all about one person or a particular group. We live in a society of complicated people with different beliefs and practices and while it will never be easy to live harmoniously we do have to find a way to give everyone enough space to live in the free country that we claim to love. Yet, these are the things that we hear all too often in our culture such as but not limited to:

I have a right to X! 

I hate Republicans (or Democrats)!

I am entitled to this!

I want this! 

I demand this!

He (or she) doesn't speak for me! 

He's not my President! 

I don't like these people! 

Do we see a pattern here? Aside from being a vast selection of self-centered quotes it's also a distorted view of what it means to be free. Sorry, but the real world is a little messier.

No, we don't simply have a right to anything and everything.

No, we can't just throw a fit and suddenly all that is in our mind suddenly becomes reality.

No, not everyone is going to agree with you. 

No, you're not going to get along with everyone around you and/or avoid being in situations that make you uncomfortable.

This is called real life! I'm surprised that those who think this way haven't asked for the banning of a popular saying from a famous Inauguration speech: Ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country. After all, they seek to ban just about anything else that isn't welcome in their safe space.


Freedom is more than allowing an individual to do what they want. Freedom also allows a person to do what they believe to be right while also not having to worry about others imposing their will on those who choose to live as they wish. Still, there are so many out there who call for tolerance and equality but fail to give the same to others in return, especially if others have the audacity to live their lives in a different way. Meanwhile, in the background, while most people see such hypocrisy they only comment about it...in private.

Why do so many of us fail to act on all that we see that is wrong with our culture. Do we not realize that in most cases we're not taking anything away from anyone but simply reminding some that they need to give others the same room to live that they themselves demand from the rest of us? Yes, I am aware of the fact that they may respond with aggression and may go as far as call us terrible names but if we know that we are trying to correct their behavior and not using derogatory language then what are we afraid of? What, do distorted opinions by spoiled brats really have that much of an impact on our self-esteem? If so, fine but is it worth watching the further collapse of our culture simply because some of us don't want to get our hands dirty?

Personally, I love this country and so much of what we call our American culture. This place has given me so much in terms of opportunity as well as the chance to meet so many different types of people who have taught me so much about life. As I get older I have also learned a lot about the differences people have, which includes the types of wounds and experiences that make them a challenge to deal with. But, that doesn't mean that they are beyond help and/or so different from me that I can't become their friend.

I don't have all of the answers but I simply wanted to share some thoughts that I hope might get more of us to think about what we should do; even if it takes us out of our comfort zone. So I'll leave you with some quotes from some amazing people that I hope might encourage all of us to act more than watch.


The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything.  -Albert Einstein

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.  -Edmund Burke

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while band people will find a way around the laws.  -Plato

To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing and be nothing.  -Aristotle

Carlos Arthur Solorzano
@csolorzano18